FIREPROOF: THE MOVIE THAT COULD HELP RENEW YOUR MARRIAGE
By Rev. Dr. Ron Lehenbauer, LMFT, LCC Staff Counselor

FIREPROOF (starring Kirk Cameron & Erin Bethea) is a movie especially for couples. It’s a story about a couple with severe, painful relationship problems that almost lead to a divorce. As a result of a 40 day experiment proposed by the husband’s father, known as “The Love Dare”, they eventually get to a better place in their marriage. Rent or buy the DVD and watch it together.

Hopefully you’re not having relationship problems this severe, or maybe you are. All marriage relationships experience some difficulties. The question is how do you work through them together in healthy ways to get to a better place? Couples might learn some new insights and relationship skills by watching this movie together and then talking about it. When you view it, take note of some of the keys that make for a close, connected marriage relationship. Here are some healing ideas or themes I observed:
♥ When your partner is being negative – annoying, disrespectful, devaluing, resentful, angry, defensive, contemptuous, anger-provoking – that is especially the time to self-regulate your own emotions. Even though it is difficult, stay calm and relate to your partner in a listening, empathetic, compassionate way. This might be called “unconditional love” which we all need but find it difficult to always give. (Notice how this is suggested in “The Love Dare”.)
♥ Healing in relationships comes through each partner’s RECOGNITION (of my own part in the conflict, my own faults and lack of compassion), REMORSE (for my part in the failure of the relationship and how I’ve hurt my partner), and REPAIR (intentional efforts to change my own behaviors with behaviors that meet the needs of my partner). FORGIVENESS is central to every good marriage: Asking my partner for forgiveness and forgiving my partner in my heart for the hurt I’ve experienced is crucial.
♥ A spiritual connection with God takes you to the best part of yourself where you are caring, empathetic, and compassionate, and can live with those core values toward others. Sharing that spiritual connection in a loving couple relationship can be wonderfully healing.

After watching FIREPROOF together, share your thoughts and feelings about the movie and about the healing themes above. Also, here are some starter conversation questions you might find useful:
✔ “You can’t change your partner – you can only change yourself.” What might you need to change about yourself that would be in the best interest of your relationship and in your own best interest?
✔ Think about your partner in a caring, compassionate way. What might you do more often that would be in his or her best interest? How can you be protective of your partner? Ask what your partner needs from you and consider how you might meet that need.
✔ What might you do to improve your relationship and to connect more closely with your partner?
✔ Talk about your personal spiritual connection with God, and as a couple. Is there something your might do to improve that connection?

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Rev. Dr. Ronald Lehenbauer is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with LCC. He completed certification in pastoral counseling at the Postgraduate Center for Mental Health in New York, NY and also is certified as an Imago Relationship Therapist. A member of the American Association of Pastoral Counselors (AAPC) and The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), Dr. Lehenbauer sees couples at our Woodside site (located at Christ Lutheran Church) and our Mineola site (located at Lutheran Church of Our Saviour). For an appointment or to schedule a couples’ workshop for your church, call LCC at 516-741-0994.